There’s a lot to think about when you’re considering becoming parents through donor conception. There are lots of big decisions to make along the way and here we map out some things you might be feeling and considering, along with suggestions on what can help.
For many same-sex couples it can be a really exciting thought that donor conception is a way to have a baby together. There are decisions to make on who will carry the baby, whose eggs to use and what donor to choose. But this is a route to becoming a family.
Of course, sometimes there can be fertility issues that mean either one partner or both partners are unable to use their own eggs. This might mean deciding to move to double or embryo donation and that might be a pause point. New feelings can come up when losing that genetic link for either or both parents and it’s helpful to have time to process those feelings before making the decision on whether or how to move forward.
Whether using sperm, double or embryo donation, there’s a lot to think through both practically and emotionally. There are important decisions to make, so give yourselves time and make sure you get good support, and try not to rush things.
Getting Started is a brand new event for 2024 for anyone thinking about using a donor to build their family. We’ll have a medical expert, a donor conceived person and THREE parents via donor conception giving all the info you need to help you make your decision.
The event will take place on 13 April 2024 in London and costs just £90 per person or £160 per couple. Not to be missed!
Aside from the emotional journey there are also more specific practical things to consider:
Where will you have treatment – what country and which clinic?
If you’re using just sperm donation, are you thinking about home insemination with a private donor instead of using a clinic? If so, there are different legal implications and some different things to consider
What kind of donor will you use – someone known to you, a donor recruited through a clinic or imported from a sperm bank?
What personal or physical qualities are you looking for in a donor?
Who is going to carry the child?
Whose eggs will we use?
Will we both be called Mum or are we going to find other vocabulary to name ourselves?
What is it like for children not to have a dad in the family?
What time frame do you have for your treatment and how much money do you have?
How much energy do you have?
At what point might you have to say, “stop”?
Some of these may not be simple questions to answer but it’s really important to voice and share your wishes, thoughts and any concerns with your partner and do that alongside the understandable excitement. Take advantage of any implications counselling sessions that you’re offered. This is possibly the biggest decision you’re going to make in your life so make sure you carve out time to think things through.
Speaking with other members who have been down a similar road can really help with the decision-making process.
