Friends | Family members
There is no official research on the subject, but DC Network has no evidence that children mind others knowing about their donor conception before they do. In fact there is a chance that they would find it very odd and raise their suspicion that all was not well if others close to them did not know.
Of course not everyone needs to know about how your child was conceived. A good principle to keep in mind is, ‘Is this in my child’s interest?’ when contemplating sharing information. Teachers and doctors, for instance, are likely to find the information of value in supporting your child and understanding any medical conditions they may have. Acquaintances who comment on who your child looks like – and all manner of strangers are likely to do this - can be responded to in vague terms.
There are many reasons why parents may feel anxious about sharing the news of donor conception with others. There may be strong religious beliefs around assisted conception in the family; parents may be aging and infirm; relationships may not be good or there has been previous evidence of intolerance of difference. What is important is that potential and actual parents think carefully about the REAL reasons for anxiety about sharing information. Could the root cause be elements of shame or embarrassment attached to infertility or the use of donor conception? If so, then taking steps to address these will help in clarifying just who does and doesn’t need to know.