Making the decision to become parents as a same-sex male couple is an exciting and possibly daunting step to take. There are many issues that need consideration and you will be facing the prospect of creating your family with the help of at least two key people: a surrogate and an egg donor. Whatever your situation, you are welcome at DC Network where many of us have faced the questions that are likely to be in your mind right now. Alternatively, you may already be parents to a donor conceived child or children and looking for information and guidance around talking with your child and others, or talking with your child as he or she gets older.
Making your decision
Is donor conception right for us?
Are we both decided on this route to parenthood?
Where will we have treatment and are there implications for us in this regard?
Where do we begin to find a donor and a surrogate?
What kind of donor will we use - anonymous, identifiable, known (friend or acquaintance) or family donor?
What about the child?
Being open with friends, family and others
How can we start to talk about it?
What sort of reaction should we expect from family? from friends?
How can we respect our child’s right to know their story first, whilst also being open with those close to us?
Discussing the issue of our sexuality
What sort of reactions have others experienced?
Will our sexuality be more visible to others? How do others cope with this?
How can we start to talk about becoming a family as a male couple?
How will our child react to finding out that most families might look different to ours?
How can we begin to discuss our family this with schools/GPs etc?
Telling your child
When will we start talking with our child about the egg donor and surrogate?
What information should we share with them and when? What language should we use?
What happens if and when our child starts sharing what we are telling them with others?
Your child’s rights
Will my child be able to have information about their donor and/or make contact with her/him?
Will my child be able to contact other children conceived with the same donor or children in the family of the donor?
What about their right to find out or have contact with the surrogate?
For the Non-biological parent
Can I love a child I am not genetically connected to?
Will that child love me?
How will I feel being the parent who does not have a genetic connection to my child when my partner will?
What happens if my child accuses me of not being their ‘real father'?
What can I do when my mother-in-law implies that she has more connection to our child than I do?
Parenting donor conceived children
How will it feel to be a family without a mother in the picture?
Where can I find information about how donor conceived children think and feel?
What are the outcomes for donor conceived children in two-dad families?
Will my child get bullied for being donor conceived? for not having a mum?
Where can I find information that will help me talk with my child as s/he gets older?
Does the donor have any rights?
What can donors know about the children they have helped create?
How might this be different pending on the country in which the treatment took place?
What about the surrogate's rights to know more about the child?
If we choose traditional surrogacy and our surrogate is also our donor, how might that impact their rights?
DC Network members talk about their journey to become parents through donor conception; making the decision, treatment with donated eggs, surrogacy and parenting donor conceived children.