Openness matters because it puts honesty at the heart of the family. By building confidence in talking about donor conception, parents can help to create an environment for their children where they will be comfortable asking questions and talking about the topic.
Children often pick up how to feel about something from the way parents talk about the topic. That’s why we emphasise parents getting comfortable and confident before starting the conversation with their child. Or at least as comfortable and confident as they can be. What we’re aiming for is a home environment where the subject is out in the open and mentioned without awkwardness or embarrassment. That way, children will know this is not a taboo topic and they can freely ask questions or comment without fear that they will be shut down.
It does mean that other people may find out, even people you would prefer didn’t know. Hopefully, it also means that parents will build confidence in thinking about who it might be helpful to tell – close friends and family, the midwife, the doctor, the school. Not everyone needs to know, but starting from a position of confidence will help parents make decisions about who and when to tell that work for them.
It might take time to build that confidence, but it pays off in the long term.
Puts honesty at the heart of family relationships.
Is respectful of donor conceived children/people as individuals in their own right.
Means that significant differences between a child and parent (in looks, talents etc.) can be easily explained.
Allows donor conceived children to learn about aspects of their history, integrate the knowledge as they grow up and accept their story without shock or distress.
Means that a true medical history (or lack of it) can be given to doctors, making diagnosis and treatment of medical conditions more accurate.
Avoids the risk of the information coming out at times of crisis later. Modern genetic testing (the popular home DNA testing kits) means that the chances of keeping this information secret forever are very low. Children will find out at some point and finding out through one of these tests that you are donor conceived can be distressing and confusing.
Is supported by counsellors, psychologists and other professionals concerned with the welfare of families.
